Where do I begin?
This book was ridiculous. But it was ridiculous in an at least somewhat entertaining way. Though I mostly only enjoyed it because I was making fun of it so much.
(Disclaimer: I won a free copy of this book in a Goodreads giveaway.)
The main character, Debbie, has a bad sex life, so she goes to a witch and offers to trade the life force of her potted petunias for incredible orgasms. She ends up cheating on her boyfriend with a sleazy lounge singer, who also traded his pot of petunias (I don’t know why they both had petunias) for great orgasms. The witch tricks them, and they end up in Sex Hell, which is basically a holodeck where they play out various roleplay fantasies while the demon Carl watches. And every time they have sex, the witch gets more powerful.
When they try to get out of Sex Hell, the witch sends her Instant German Assassins after them, but they get melted in a rain storm after trying to kill the wrong people. Then there’s some stuff with a cantaloupe being used as a magic cell phone, a bottle opener working as a magic wand, and Debbie’s boyfriend using his Magic! Bongos! to track her down. Oh, and her boyfriend works for the Confidential Ultra Force, which is basically like the FBI for hunting down witches.
Confused? Yeah. The entire book is silly, the plot makes no sense, and even the sex scenes are boring rather than erotic. There’s no consistency whatsoever in the way magic is used, the characters flip-flop in their personalities and convictions, and the climax involves a dues ex machina where the Instant German Assassins try to kill the witch for no reason other than that the author needed a way to save the main characters.
If you enjoy really bad books because it’s so much fun to poke holes in their plots and make fun of the ridiculousness, then this book could be a good time. I actually did enjoy reading it. That doesn’t make it good, but it meant I had enough fun snarking it like the robots in MST3K that it was an enjoyable experience.