All I Want For Christmas is a Revised Manuscript

Christmas and I don’t get along.

Christmas-Lights-11Okay, so Christmas doesn’t kidnap me, tie me up with sparkling lights, and lock me in the bathroom (though it could!). However, I do tend to have bad experiences with Christmas, and I don’t expect this one to be any better. I’m not on speaking terms with most of my family, my Dad is living on a tight budget so Christmas these days has no thrills, and I don’t expect anyone else in the world to get me anything. Beyond that, I can’t even get on board with the whole “Christmas should be about love and hope and etc etc, not presents!” thing because I’m not religious and I don’t really have the kind of hopeful, positive influences in my life that would make Christmas worthwhile. I have casual friends who I’m sure will text or tweet me some Christmas wishes, but I don’t really have the kind of deep personal relationships where you expect to bond with people over hot chocolate in front of the fireplace Christmas day.

All I want for Christmas is to finish this draft.

I think I’ve been suffering from #NaNoWriMo Burn Out, coupled with a touch of seasonal depression. Which happens every year. After writing 160,000 words on my NaNo novel, I’ve written . . . five blog posts in two weeks, and revised one chapter of Contamination. That’s not much. And I have no excuse. I just sit home all day anyway. It’s not like there’s a reason I can’t get the work done.

All I want for Christmas is some motivation.

I think that Author Fragile Ego Syndrome is keeping me from working on my novel because I’m afraid that it sucks. That no one is going to read it or buy it or like it. That people who praise my writing are just doing so to be nice. That one day soon I’m going to be back to working at a crappy restaurant for a sexist boss, Master’s Degree from Rowan University notwithstanding.

All I want for Christmas is some self-esteem.

What I said a moment ago, about Christmas not being about presents? It’s true. Christmas isn’t about presents. I don’t want material goods. I just want a Christmas where I can get out of this rut and get some work done. I want to be able to send my revised novel to my CPs as their Christmas present. I want to stop feeling like crap. I want to get through a Christmas without crying.

All I want for Christmas is to be successful with my writing. But that’s a gift no one else can give me. So I’ll have to do it myself.

mani_promoManifestation is available in paperback format through:

CreateSpace and Amazon

and in ebook format through:

Kindle and Nook


13 thoughts on “All I Want For Christmas is a Revised Manuscript”

  1. Success is something no one can gift, and everyone’s definition of success is different. I define success as finishing a short story, revisions and all, that I can submit to contests or posts on a blog. Success is finding that courage to write on my blog–which is coming soon–and have readers respond.

    If it was possible for someone to give me an intangible gift, it would be courage. Courage to write. Courage to pursue my dreams. Courage to fail. Courage to face my critics and critiques. Courage. That’s what I would ask for.

    1. It seems like we need the Wizard of Oz to give us these gifts (which, when he gave Courage to the Cowardly Lion at the end of the movie, was nothing more than a demonstration that the Lion had found his courage all on his own already).

  2. I can really relate. I’ve been editing my book (or rather: doing everything not to edit it) for 2 years now. Just because when I’m done there’s not much more I can do to ensure it’s “success”, it will be out there, being queried or selfpublished and all will be done.
    But I still wish, just like you, I had got some self-esteem as a gift and some editing done.
    So: good luck!

    (PS I don’t spend Christmas with family or on traditional celebrations either – last year me and my bf pretty much spent it in Skyrim and it was more awesome than any forced family dinner could be)

  3. I agree it’s a gift no-one can give you but yourself, but something other people can give you is the space and the time to write. There are lots of writers out there who would be a lot more successful if “caring loved ones” didn’t discourage their writing at every turn.

    It seems to happen more this time of year, too, where doing nearly anything by oneself is treated with suspicion in some quarters.

    Here’s to productive and successful holidays!

  4. Amazing post, Jason. And so very true for me as well. I’ve been in one of the biggest ruts of my life recently, and editing has been such a pain in the backside. My goal was to finish editing by December 31st but at this rate, I’d be lucky to be done by December 31st of 2045. XD
    Ah well, I’m not giving up yet. If I want success, I have to go after it with a club. And go after it with a club I shall. *chases success and yells profanities*

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s